Aliens,Aliens Aliens...

That's all I can say to my defense, for not having updated these pages for so long.

My monstrology research have by necessity been put on hold for the time being since two recent field missions turned out to be linked to a whole series of alien encounters.

It has prompted me to start work on a new groundbreaking book!

In some way research into Alien/Extra Terrestial life forms is very similar to Monstrology and,as the field of UFO/Alien studies is, like monstrology, studded with charlatans and flimflam-men there is a dire need for a serious look at the field by a reputable scientist such as myself.

I have already accumulated some every interesting field notes/drawings,

This being, I have given it the temporary name "Clustor", is curious and friendly but utterly unintelligent on it's own, but.... as it clusters together with others of it's kind, it can, if their numbers are sufficient, achieve an intelligence far beyond the human capacity.

Its origins is still unknown, but I am working on finding out more. This sighting occurred in Central Illinois. I am curious to hear from the general public if you have any pertinent information about this or other Aliens.

Monster Go Away Spray works!

After some initial doubt I have now concluded that the Monster Go Away Spray really works.
I am thoroughly impressed by the work of psycho-aromatherapist Lisa Cook, the creator of this essential tool for field-monstrologists.





I have received a dazzling report from a field-monstrologist that has tested the spray in real-life conditions and according to him it is a sure-fire way to get rid of at least some specific beasts. See the drawing and observation notes on the frightening DRACH-NEE-LEJEEN below.


I also received a detailed record of the UNDERWATER KING-SNAKE ,a not so dangerous, but impressive monster.


Keep up the good work everybody!


Pesonally I am slightly perturbed by some rather confusing sightings lately that have not been monsters, but ALIENS, I sense that there might be a need to investigate this further since it appears that some of these beings inhabit a similar space to that of monsters.

Fearsome French Beasts

I have finally had time to analyze some of the recent drawings that were sent to me.

This batch came from a brother and sister team of very young monstrologists in Paris, France.

Antoine and Alice have created some very interesting images but, and this is understandable due to their tender age, have not given me much information apart from the drawings.

Here is the most compelling monster in my opinion. I would love to know more about it.

This is very frightening duo of monsters, I wonder if they are related to the terrifying Danish Gutrotter?

And this last one I believe is a variation on the Tadpole Monster so often observed by very young monstrologists.

You can of course read more about the Tadpole Monster in my Field Guide .

An interesting product & Aliens

My friend Emily sent me a link to an interesting product: An anti-monster spray.

It seems like I am not the only one to have discovered that monsters are sensitive to smells.

My homemade potpourri has kept me safe on many an occasion and I am happy to see that someone has created an easy to use product available to the general public.

I have generally made my potpourri very pungent (Curry, Cloves and Karl Lagerfeld Cologne combined), to be on the safe side...I wonder if nice smells might be as efficient?

I have been held up in my monstrology studies by several reports that initially seemed to be about monsters but turned out to be about aliens. So far any good information has been hard to get but here's an image that was recently sent to me.

It depicts two "Mulchons", an alien race of ravenous tree-eaters. The drawing came from an Alaskan lumberjack by the name Hank Swenson. He claims that they ate a fully grown tree as fast as he could eat an apple, that they travel by interstellar timber-trucks and that their droppings make excellent weed and pest resitant mulch.

An Active Season

Well, first of all I must apologize for not having written much here lately. I must admit that I have just been too busy. And let me tell you, it is a busy season for monstrology.

I have been getting in more and more reports from all over the world and I'm starting to worry that there is something "big" going on in the realm of monsters. Perhaps the increased activity is due to some astrological position or other natural event. My fear is that some day the monsters will start to conspire to leave the borderland between fantasy and reality, the realm that they traditionally inhabit, and enter fully into reality. That would be a truly frightening occurrence.

This field study came in from a young researcher named Kurt. It appears as if this is a relatively harmless monster.

This is his eye-witness account:

"Before leaving for my grandfather's house today I had to get my socks. Having my pencil and paper ready, (like I always do) I opened my drawer and this monster popped out of it! I quickly did a sketch of it and took my sock off it's tail. ( that must be their way of keeping warm )."

And earlier today I got an e-mail from another fellow monstrologist, Mr Smart, who had made some exceptionally detailed field-studies of two different beasts: The Deadly Driftwood and The Gravel Grinder.

The Gravel Grinder looks to me like it could be an Alien life-form. I'd say that the odd diet supports that idea.

This is Mr Smart's story:

"I have found 2 new monsters I would like to share with you! One is called the Deadly Driftwood, and the other the Gravel-Grinder. I encountered the Deadly Driftwood when me and my dad were driving on a bridge over a lake. It looked like the monster was coming to get me! I encountered the Gravel-Grinder walking on a path in my mom's garden.( The path was made of gravel).It was grinding the path ! "

And a traveller passing by from Paris, France hand-delivered a large collection of field notes from a brother and sister team of monstrologists the other day. I will eventually post some of those drawings once I have had an opportunity to scan them and study them further.

It is clear that there is an unusual high frequency of monster sightings at the moment so keep your pencils sharpened and your minds open out there!

Dark Specter

I have recieved a fascinating report on a brand new monster: The Dark Specter

This time the news comes from Elmira, NY where an intrepid young monstrologist by the name Devin has done some impressive research.

His drawing of the Dark Specter is among the finest field drawings I have seen.


These are the facts that Devin has been able to gleen about the mysterious Dark Specter, in his own words:

"5 ft, 10 inches.
Can sometimes be found wearing a ragged top hat.
Seems to like books, but I am not really sure if it eats anything at all!
I have found it in the Steel memorial library in Elmira NY, and by my toaster in the kitchen.

I do not know what color it is because I have all ways seen it just as a black outline.

It also seems to like indoors, and very quiet but human inhabited places. "

Devin has a very nice website that you can visit here: www.grymhood.webs.com

Important Findings in Denmark

A few days ago I received an exiting package from Denmark.
It contained a collection of new findings from three young monstrologists.

Their scientific method is still crude and there was only little additional information concerning each monster but the field drawings were spectacular!

We have here three new never before seen beasts.

The first one, discovered and documented by Naomi, is perhaps the most frightening.

Naomi calls this monster "Terrible Killer Head" and list a color guide to the drawing.

Red+yellow= Fire

Red= Lava

Blue= Poison

Green= Acid

Gray= Circular Saw

Yellow= Electrical Shock

This monster is undoubtedly very, very dangerous to humans.

The "Firhoved" or "Fourhead" (below) was found by Melissa. The only information given about this monster is that it is "Dangerous to Humans" (written in Danish on the drawing).

It is a spectacular beast!

The third monster discovered by this team of monstrologists, this one by Maya, was the "Tunge-Slasker", which translates to "Toungue-Slobberer". This cat-like monster also lacks any more specific details but it is clearly described as dangerous to humans and we find this beast in an action filled pose. One can only imagine what havoc a beast like this can wreak. Personally I am also very curious about the other beast in this image, what is it? another undocumented monster?

I sincerely hope this is not the last time I hear from these young heroines.

The Conclusion to Benny's Troubles

Our attempt at discovering and dislodging the Couch Cruncher from Benny's sofa was quite a struggle but we emerged victorious in the end.

It took 4 nights, 16 hot dogs, and a hand-full of missed opportunities to finally get a good look at the Couch Cruncher.
As you might remember from our previous encounter with the Cruncher in Benny's house I observed a very young Cruncher. I now believe that that "baby" was the one we did battle with this time. It had grown up but I had a distinct feeling that this was the same individual.
This leads me to assume that Crunchers do not live with their offspring very long, that they grow fast and that the young often take over their parent's "hunting grounds".
One of the most fascinating aspects of this relatively harmless monster was its arms. They were soft and appeared to be without bones and were able to be pulled inside, or stretched far outside the body in an almost telescopic way.

To make a long story short, Benny's couch is once again safe.
The Cruncher was removed and today it resides in a furniture store on Steinway Street in Queens where Benny has agreed to stop by every week and "misplace" a dozen hot dogs.

I was able to do a more detailed field study of The Couch Cruncher this time (See below) and learned a lot more about it. It will most likely be entered in to the next edition of my Field Guide.

Shadow Casters in Illinois and Benny in Trouble

There seems like there might be Shadow-Casters nesting in a 160-year old house in Central/Western Illinois, this according to a report from two brothers residing in said house. They have noticed clear indications, such as creaking floor sounds, the archetypical sound of the sneaking Shadow Caster and actually asked if there was a possibility of me doing an investigation.
Unfortunately I had do decline since after the holidays Benny has become a priority and I am fully engaged in the Couch-Cruncher problem again.

It seems like Benny, who was quite resentful of my ignoring him for so long, had moved out to his kitchen, leaving his combined living room-bedroom and his beloved couch to the Cruncher. He was scared and upset, especially after his remote got eaten.

But before the holidays he decided to try to "take back" his apartment. He bought a new universal remote and started to enjoy his couch again and all went really well for some time.
My guess is that he got sloppy with food and snacks around Christmas... and then he lost the new remote. Without thinking he stuck his hand deep into the couch to see if it had slipped between the cushions...He got bit pretty bad.
I assume that a cruncher took his rather plump finger for a hot dog, their favorite food.

I will keep you posted on any developments. I will be staying with Benny for few days.

Ha! There are monsters in Canada

I knew it!
My Canadian "friend" Bradford who earlier this year claimed that there was no monster-business going on in Canada was wrong!

I just got a very trustworthy report from the Comox Valley area where apparently some very large Northern Boulder Beasts have been smelled and sighted.

They had taken up residence in a small valley not far from a village and the stench of sulfur emanating from the beasts was what finally drew the attention of a young man (Evan, 10) who was able to observe and report the facts to me.
According to him they were "really huge" and "really, really stinky".

As I mention in the Field Guide, the boulder beasts are notoriously dumb and when the intrepid young monstrologist got discovered he was able to confuse them by singing "I'm a little tea-pot short and stout", and doing the movements.
The beasts simply thought he was a tea-pot, and left him alone.

Evan commented that he thought they were "really, really, really not smart".

A Failure on the Beach

The Beach Krill sightings in Puerto Rico turned out to be false.
There were however some very large crabs that attacked this intrepid monstrologist as he was in hiding under a very elaborate cover of camouflage netting and sand.
I had settled in for a long stake-out when around midnight I started feeling little pinches around my ankles. I never want to use my flashlight too much so I waited a bit before turning it on, but then I got pinched really hard! As i directed my flashlight toward my throbbing ankle I got pinched just above the belt towards my back and I realized that my hiding spot had been completely overrun by aggressive crabs.

I think that there might have been something in my latest concoction of potpourri that attracted crabs. Maybe the Karl Lagerfeld Cologne is not repelling enough?

In the end I saw no evidence of Beach Krill activity. I am sad to say that a large hollow that was pointed out to my as probably created by a Krill was more likely the result of sand-castle constructions.

I left the island with many crab-pinch marks, mosquito-bites, a bad sunburn and no further information on the Beach Krill.

But, that is the life of a monstrologis. Not every shadow is a beast, but you should always check.

The Beach Krill

(Euphausia litoris)

Beach Krill Sighting

I have just returned from Puerto Rico after I was called there based on reports of Beach Krill activity.


I will discuss my adventures more in depths soon but my flight was very delayed and I am tired... and painfully tanned after many hours of beach stake-outs.

A Wonderful Review

I was certain of receiving many good reviews of my Field Guide, after all it is a unique piece of work...but, I have also grown accustomed to being questioned and even ridiculed, therefore it is exceptionally heartwarming when you recieve a review such as this one:
Do you like being frightened?

IMPORTANT CORRECTION & INFORMATION

Because of a confusion of dates and altered times for my upcoming lecture at Barnes & Noble on 7th Ave. in Park Slope I have been giving the wrong time:

It will take place on the 2nd of November at 10.00 am.

And a reminder:
My radio appearance on WFUV (90.7 in NYC-area) is being rebroadcasted tomorrow around 7.45am.
At some point after that it will be in their online archive and thus available worldwide.

A Busy Sunday

It was a beautiful Sunday here yesterday and I enjoyed meeting a vibrant crowd of budding monstrologists at the event i participated in at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden.
I was slightly perturbed at the organizers who had somehow gotten my title wrong... Yes I do write and illustrate, but that is only to convey my research to the world. My actual title is Senior Monstrologist. It is just typical of the academic world to slight me like that.
But I sold out my Field Guide !
And it was clear that the people who came to meet me, they at least understand what monstrology is about and what it takes to do the research.
I especially have high hopes for Julian and Sophie, keep up the studies and one day you will find and catalogue your own monsters!

On another note, Benny is now calling me all the time, the Couch Cruncher ate his remote and he is getting desperate. I might call him back eventually.

And a reminder: I will be holding my lecture at the Park Slope Barnes & Noble 10am on Nov. 1st.

Benny is Back!

Remember Benny, my "friend" from Queens (see previous posts). Remember how he turned on me and decided not to trust my science? or his own eyes...

Well, he called the other day and the Couch Cruncher is back in his undoubtedly filthy couch and he needs help. We'll see what happens, I still feel a bit hurt, but he does have all those episodes of Mythbusters on his DVR and I do really enjoy a Mythbusters-marathon.

This is a flattering drawing of Benny

Upcoming Events

Finally some academic recognition!

The NPR affiliated radio station WFUV (90.7FM in NY-region) that is run by the Fordham University will be discussing Monstrology with me on the 23rd of October. The details are not set in stone and I am not sure about when it will air. I will keep you posted here.

Also, the biological research facility Brooklyn Botanical Garden will be hosting an event on the afternoon of the 28th of October that I will participate in. There will be a brief lecture by me but I'm afraid many other distractions going on at the same time. (Fun for some, I'm sure)

Lastly, my lecture at my local Barnes & Noble has been moved. I will now do it at 10AM on the 1st of November.
Please make appropriate changes to your calendars.

A Lively Debate

I'm sorry for the big gap in my postings but there was much to do about getting ready for my lecture and then there were two aspiring monstrologists visiting from Sweden that I had to spend hours with. They were complete novices but showed some limited potential. Hopefully I will hear more from them as they start practicing their monstrological skills in northern Europe.

The Lecture itself went very well. The audience appeared eager for knowledge and the debate got quite lively as I accepted questions from the public. In the end there was a rather heated discussion about the potential size of Tadpole Monsters.

A young girl claimed that they could be much wider than I believe is possible.

I doubted the veracity of her report since she also said it was "much smarter than you!" meaning me...How would she know anything about that? Kids...

A Lecture on monstrology

Here's the invitation for my upcoming lecture.

It Haunts Me

The Gutrotter gives me nightmares.

The evasiveness of its appearance, the fact that it appeared to be in many places at once was very frightening..and the stench!

Here's a new sketch...I'm still trying to get its face right.

I will be holding another lecture!

September 28, 3.30pm at Storefront for Art and Architecture , 97 Kenmare Street, downtown Manhattan.